I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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