Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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