Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
