It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
