When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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