yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
