Quick, to the slutcave!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
