eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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