and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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