She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this just has baby written all over it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
