I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
