I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
