He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
