I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
