Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
birth control should be required to get into college
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
