i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
