Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize