Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
