Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
