so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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