I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
