So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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