well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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