So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
