I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
