too bad you live with your parents still
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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