Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
