The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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