Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
