He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
