The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
