i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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