my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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