I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
