There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
