Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
