So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have aggressive nipples.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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