Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
