Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
