rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
