Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
