He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
