i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
