If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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