Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
