TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
