I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
