We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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