Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
