I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize