I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
