I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
