i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
