i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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