quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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