we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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