Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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