Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
