You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
