I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
