i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
