So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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