you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ladies don't puke and tell
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
