what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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