when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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