What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
