she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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