I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
