I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
