He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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