Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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